


that's what she said, but not really

by DearOne



Category: Bandom, Music RPF, Panic At The Disco
Genre: F/M, M/M, Ryden
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-12
Updated: 2008-05-25
Packaged: 2017-10-22 07:36:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/235677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearOne/pseuds/DearOne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love is in the details.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first Panic fic. Yay! ConCrit welcome. Be nice because being mean is the opposite of goodness. Comments will get you cyber cupcakes. Unbetad.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [part 1] Ryan shops for toothbrushes. Ryan's girlfriend smiles a lot. Brendon is Brendon. Spencer is clumsy. And Jon doesn't get it.  
> [But who cares? That is not what this story is about.]

===

Ryan Ross walked out of his hotel room with a million thoughts in his mind, each one clashing and fighting its way to the surface to be acknowledged. He often wondered if this was how every one's thought process worked. _Was it natural to have such a tormented mind?_ Ryan looked up just as he saw Brendon Urie walking opposite him. _There_ , Ryan thought, _this is someone who is not at all like everyone._

He took a moment to just watch the other boy--man now--bobbing his head in time with whatever music that was playing in his mind. His eyes were closed behind red plastic frames, his walk, carefree.

Ryan liked to think that Brendon was saved from having thoughts that often crept in his own mind, which he often relived in his nightmares. Ryan liked to think that Brendon didn't have a clue what pain tasted like, what blood smelled like, what screams felt like. Ryan liked to think this because otherwise, Brendon wouldn't be Brendon, his sun, his anchor that reminded him that life is worth living.

"Hey Ryan, Ryan..."

 _Was he saying something?_ "Wha?"

"Don't tell me that she got you to get her girlie things already, did she?"

He actually felt the wheels turning in his head. "What? Oh! Umm, no," Ryan said. He was actually affronted when he realized what and who Brendon was referring to. Furthermore, that Brendon would think that he was that easy. Ryan is not easy. Fact. "And anyway, if I was, it's not any of your fucking business," he added playfully, as he remembered himself. He pushed past the other man.

To any other passerby, the exchange would have been mistaken for irritation. But not to Brendon. Ryan knew this. He felt guilty that Brendon was so used to his derisive nature that it didn't affect him. Brendon, Ryan thought, shouldn't have to know how to deal with a person like him. But here he was, actually skipping around him as he turned to walk in the same direction he was walking in. Sure, he felt guilty, but Ryan would sooner give up any other pleasure before he would even consider severing contact from Brendon because who in their right mind would?

"Where are you going then?"

Ryan smiled, Brendon knew him too well. "Extra toothbrush," he said over his shoulder and waved the younger man off.

"I...I--can I come with?" Brendon called out as he ran up to meet the guitarist, who was already several steps away.

"Sure." Ryan casually threw an arm over Brendon's shoulder. He didn't see it, but Brendon glanced at him with a smile in his eyes.

"So, uh what color is she making you get?"

Nobody would have thought of that question except for Brendon. And as simple as the question sounded, Brendon asked it in such a way that turned it into something significant. "She didn't say. Oh hey, don't you have that interview to get to?"

"Hmm? Oh, fuck. Do I have to? Jon will be okay by himself."

"Bren..."

"I know, I know I got the short end of the stick fair and square. I'll uh see you..." Brendon turned around and walked back to his room to probably collect Jon.

Ryan shook his head as he went to buy an extra toothbrush for his girlfriend, who was waiting in his hotel room. _Honestly,_ he wondered, _why didn't she bring one?_ Did she think that he would keep an extra for whenever she came to visit? As he stepped outside, he felt his phone vibrate.

"hy bb pck 1 up 4 meh 2.. i 4got :( xoxxo."

Ryan chuckled as he erased the text and put his phone back in his pocket. And that's a different thing entirely. Brendon was never one to remember to plan ahead, forgetting even to bring his boxers. If it weren't for him, Brendon would be going commando. Ryan laughed to himself. _Maybe I shouldn't bother helping him pack. That would teach him a lesson._

===

"I only needed one," she said.

Ryan watched her, his girlfriend of four months. She was smart, pretty, funny, soft and completely understanding. But did she understand him? Ryan liked to think so. She really was everything he needed. She could make him happy.

Ryan walked up behind her and kissed her cheek. "One of them is for Brendon. Listen, I gotta go get ready. I'll look for you there."

She nodded and took a brush in her hand. And made a move to go to the bathroom.

"Oh hey, which one is that?" Ryan called out, not really thinking what he was saying. He didn't even think it mattered. Or so he thought.

"The red one, why?"

"Uhmm, well, that's Brendon's." Was it really? Brendon didn't even ask for a red one.

"Oh, okay then." She smiled, went back and took the blue one. She kissed his cheek as she passed by him. "You better hurry before they start without you."

Ryan nodded, still thinking of what just happened. When he was buying the brushes, did he not just put two random toothbrushes in the basket? He was pretty sure he just grabbed them, paid and left.

===

"Hey, thanks."

"For what?"

"I always forget." Brendon held up his new red toothbrush.

"Oh, right. Whatever," Ryan said as he brought his feet up onto the couch, curling himself into its corner.

Brendon draped himself on the armrest.

"Thank goodness you got him a red one too," Spencer said as he opened a can of soda. The drink fizzed out and foamed at the top. "Oh fuck, shit!"

Ryan watched his best friend of fifteen odd years, lean forward and sip at the top of the can, trying to catch the spillage. He was unsuccessful.

Spencer saw the smile on Ryan's face and glared.

Ryan smirked. He looked at Brendon, wondering why he didn't hear the laughter that was expected of the lead singer. His smile faltered. Brendon was in another world as he stared at the toothbrush he got for him.

"Whassup Bren?" Jon asked, taking the words out of Ryan's mouth.

"Nothing man."

"Riiigght," Jon said this as if he didn't believe Brendon at all. But he didn't push for an answer. Instead, he snatched the can of soda from Spencer, took a gulp and handed it back to him. The drummer didn't seem to care in the slightest.

Ryan audibly cleared his throat, and all three heads shift to look at him. Really now, that was uncalled for. He wasn't making the noise to get their attention. He had a... thing in his throat.

"So, what would have happened if he were to get him like a green one, or something?" Jon asked when it was evident Ryan had nothing to say.

"All hell breaks loose. Everyone knows to get Brendon a red toothbrush, it's like common knowledge," Spencer replied.

"Well, I didn't know that," Jon said, offended. "Why didn't I know this?" He asked no one in particular.

"Dunno, maybe you just didn't notice... He always uses a red toothbrush. It's his favorite color," Ryan said without thinking. He didn't even realize he was saying it until it was out. As he heard his own words it dawned on him with an audible click. _Oh._

He looked at Brendon, remembering now when he was in the grocery store. He had walked down the toiletry isle until he reached the selections of toothbrushes. He didn't care for brands, but he did go to the columns of soft toothbrushes. He had remembered that Brendon has sensitive gums. He fingered through the rows of toothbrushes until he picked out the first red one he saw and then pulled a second one. And made his way to the cashier.

He had subconsciously shopped for his friend with his best intentions in mind. Not that he didn't care for his girlfriend's toothbrush--"It's just a fucking toothbrush!" When he heard the room fall silent and felt the heat of everybody's heavy stares, he realized what he said out loud. _Great._ "I'll be outside. I need some air."

===

As soon as he was outside, he started to reason with himself on what just happened. And the best answer he could supply was that Spencer was right, it's "common knowledge," that's all. And then he remembered that Spencer only knows this because Spencer Smith knows all. That and because when Spencer accidentally got Brendon a yellow toothbrush, he faced Brendon's hissy fit and consequently, Ryan's wrath. From then on, Brendon Urie and red toothbrush were forever linked in Spencer's mind.

"It IS just a toothbrush," said a voice from behind, which took Ryan out of his reverie.

"That's what I said."

"I know."

Ryan nodded. "You think I'm impossible, don't you?"

"No. No, I don't think that you're impossible at all."

Ryan believed that Brendon believed this. "That's what she said." Ryan met the other man's eyes. "But I didn't believe her," he whispered.

Brendon nodded. "Come on, we're up in like... now."

As Brendon led him up the stage, he felt a hand squeeze his own before it fell to his side. He quickly replaced the sudden void with a guitar. The first person he saw in the mix of the crowd was his smiling girlfriend, cheering them on as they started their first song. He smiled back. And as drums, bass, guitar, and voice filled his ears, warming his chest, he was able to do what he could only do when he was wrapped in music: be. Just be.

===

Ryan was once asked what music meant to him. He honestly didn't know the answer. He knew he loved music. He knew he could not live without music. But there is just so much more to it than that.

As he was swept away by the beats, rhythms, melodies and lyrics, Ryan existed.

He lifted his head as he backed away from the mic and looked over at the lead singer. He was singing, and not only that, he was singing _his_ words as if they were meant to be from him, and for him at the same time.

Brendon took notice of him looking his way, and winked.

Ryan wouldn't be surprised if he had heard his thoughts. Brendon, apparently, has superpowers. Ryan is the kind of person who would deny that superpowers existed. Ryan Ross does not believe in superpowers, but then again he normally had to make an exception for all things Brendon. Ryan smirked and shook his head and thought it just as well.

Brendon started to walk over, all swagger and exaggerated gestures and met him at his mic. They sang in unison contrasting and complimenting each other, and just before Brendon ran back to his own mic, he whispered in his ear: "We could reinvent love, you and me."

Ryan was caught off guard and a smile slipped. As he sang, he allowed for the repetition of the lyrics to sink in his chest. He had penned the words, shaped it and molded it to express something that was almost foreign to him, something to only dream about, something he thought that wasn't attainable.

That is, until now.

He had heard the lyrics hundreds of times over, but it was the first time he believed. Now the words had meaning. Now he felt the words as they formed at Brendon's lips and escaped in a voice that rattled him to the core.

Ryan felt as if he was drowning but briefly wondered why breathing never felt so easy.

END part 1


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [part 2] Brendon gets first shower. Ryan shakes things up. Spencer and Jon do their own thing.  
> [But who cares? That is not what this story is about.]

===

Brendon called first shower as per usual. And as per usual, nobody minded. Brendon likes to think, though, that he got his way because he was just _that_ intimidating.

With the way Brendon acts, moves, talks, laughs, it wouldn't be too difficult to believe that Brendon was capable of seeing more colors than the mix in the rainbow, hearing more sounds than the average person, tasting sweets without the sugar, smelling scents that no one else could comprehend. But Brendon Urie was just Brendon, and sometimes Bden. As odd as it would seem, the twenty-one year old was normal.

Tonight though, he was so in his own element that he thought that maybe, just maybe, he was able to see a color never before seen, heard a sound that he alone could hear, tasted a sweet that Willy Wonka dreamed about, and caught a scent that was so uniquely pleasant that a flower could only wish for. Tonight, he felt more than himself. Tonight, he actually felt like he was living in his skin.

He felt invigorated. Refreshed. Alive.

This feeling that he felt was not because he and the rest of Panic At The Disco just finished playing an awesome, if not perfect, set. Nor was it because of the weather or even because he found a dollar bill on the floor. No, it wasn't any of those things. The reason he felt his fingers and toes tingle, and the little hairs at the back of his neck stand on end and the butterflies in in his stomach to flutter was because just before he ran towards the shower, Ryan had stopped him.

===

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Good show."

"Yeah, yeah it was."

===

And that was it.

===

 _That_ was _it_.

Those two seconds made Brendon's night, or life, depending how you look at it.

What's so special about an exchanging of words when the words themselves held as much meaning as the weather being good?

Nothing.

But, Brendon thinks, when those meaningless words come from a guy who you sort of have a crush on--okay, maybe you're a little obsessed with--or more accurately, when this person that you are totally, completely and hopelessly in love with pulls you aside and has you pressed against a wall, words don't need to have any sort of meaning.

Brendon had felt Ryan's breath on his cheek and felt his heat on his skin, that was what counted, what mattered to Brendon. Brendon was caught under Ryan's gaze, and felt his chest swell as he realized in that moment Ryan was only looking at him, seeing only him. And he's wearing a smile that he's never seen before.

It's not really a smile, really. It's more of a turn of lips that had disappeared as quickly as it appeared. Brendon, for a moment, thought he had imagined it, but when he caught a blush creep up on the taller man's neck, there was no denying what he saw.

What he saw there was possibility. And never did he see something so beautiful. It was like more beautiful than a cold Capri Sun on the hottest day Vegas could offer.

===

Brendon walked into the bus feeling good, he walked passed the random people that occupied the area. He didn't ignore them completely. Why shut out the positive vibes?

When he saw two of his band-mates hiding in the corner, in the middle of... some kind of heated conversation, he thought the night could only get better.

He imagined being with Ryan, being able to constantly smell the vanilla on his skin, being able to feel his touch, being able to make his eyes smile. This world would be perfect.

But as he turned around, his world turned upside down.

That's the bad part about living optimistically. The fall is harder when you realize sometimes you can't expect the best.

===

Everybody knows that Brendon is single. Everybody thinks that it is by choice.

If Brendon had a choice, he'd choose Ryan.

Ryan is not single.

Brendon was left with two options, find someone else or be single. He'd rather not find someone else. In Brendon's mind, ther is nobody else. So by default he had to take the other option:Be single.

Being single sucks.

Brendon thought though that with the recent turn of events he was given an option that he very much would have liked to take.

But reality failed him when he had turned around and saw _his_ Ryan with his girlfriend, doing relationship things.

Brendon felt himself exploding in slow motion as his world shattered into a million pieces.

END part 2


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [part 3] Ryan gets away. Spencer says a few things. Jon grabs the phone. Brendon gets pissed.  
> [But who cares? That is not what this story is about.]

Ryan watched Brendon enter the bus, his hair was wet still from his shower and his skin radiated the giddiness that he always seemed to exude.

Ryan shook his head, he had screwed up. Again.

Ever since he was a child he had this belief that he was never good enough. And when he had grown up, it was too late, the damage was done. He lived life trying to constantly prove to himself that he was worth something. He was his biggest critic. Some people would say that this was a strength not a weakness. It's what led people to greatness. Sadly, for Ryan, this was not the case. He was already great, but he did not see this. He only learned to limit himself, not in life, but in love.

He honestly believed that he could not have Brendon. How could he deserve someone like Brendon? Ryan thought that he already had too much of an affect on the younger man. He was not stupid, he knew just like everyone else who has seen them together that Brendon always seemed to look his way. Ryan did not understand the reasoning behind it though. Whatever the case, Ryan promised himself that he would not do anything that would jeopardize their relationship.

Ryan liked to think that the passing glances and the heated touches that he received and even sometimes reciprocated onstage with the lead singer did not extend offstage, but he knew this was not the truth. He craved Brendon's touch as if it was a necessity, like water or something much stronger than that, like blood.

But he would learn to survive without it if he had to. Deepening his relationship with Brendon meant bringing him down. He could not do that to Brendon. If he did, if he was the reason why Brendon lost his giddiness, his smile, Ryan thought, _that_ would be his death.

===

Ryan turned back around to face the girl he was talking to, apparently, the girl was his girlfriend. He put on a smile and tried to follow what she was saying, but there was no point. He fleetingly thought that what he was doing with her was wrong as well. He was only lying to himself by being with her. And she didn't deserve that, or his straying thoughts. Ryan made up his mind that he wouldn't continue the facade any longer.

He took her hand in his, and it caused her to lose her train of thought as her questioning eyes locked with his own gaze. Ryan pulled her into a hug. In the corner of his eye he saw Brendon turn around, a blank look was on his face. Ryan hated that look and knew what it meant. He closed his eyes, wishing he did not see the heartbreak on Brendon's face, and whispered into the pink shell of his girlfriend's ear, "I need to talk to you. Not here, let's go."

===

It was easy enough to let her go. Surprisingly enough, even with his recent realization of the lie he led, he thought it would be much more difficult. Maybe it was all due in part to the person who he broke it off with. She didn't do anything wrong, even supported his decision. Even through her tears, she choked it back and hugged him, telling him that she understood. She was an amazing person, really. He could of loved her. And she loved him enough. But he just couldn't lie.

After long hours or it could have just been minutes when she pulled away from their embrace. She looked at him with a smile playing at her lips. Ryan recognized it as the same look she gave him when they first met, how easy it was back then to play along. She spoke in a low and flirty voice, Ryan laughed as he listened. "Don't write about me, Ryan Ross."

Ryan nodded and took her hand. "I could make you famous."

"I won't be that girl."

"What if you are and I already did?"

She rolled her eyes, and squeezed his hand. "Writing it down before it happens, hmmm?"

"Hey, you said it."

She laughed and he watched her stand up from their seat on a park bench. This was it, their ending. She walked away from him and just before she left his line of vision, he had felt an overwhelming urge to catch her and pull her back to him.

He didn't though, a haunting image of loneliness rooted him to the floor.

===

When he made his way back to the bus it was empty. Maybe everyone decided to go out. He checked his phone, he had turned it off earlier. Not a smart move, especially when he didn't tell anyone where he went and how long he would be gone for. Twenty-three missed calls. Eighteen of them came from Brendon.

Ryan wondered if they were looking for him. A voice in his mind made itself known and inquired what would happen if he really did leave, just up and left the band? More questions followed soon after that. Could he leave? Is there another life out there for him? What about Spencer? Or Jon and Brendon? Brendon.

The image of Brendon, staring at him on the bus hours earlier, flashed before his eyes. Ryan never saw that look on Brendon before. Not even when he saw Brendon after he learned that he got kicked out of his parents' home. Brendon didn't look destroyed all those years ago.

"Fuck, what did I do?"

Ryan started pacing as he recalled his slip-up after the concert. He had screwed up the moment he grabbed Brendon's wrist. What was he thinking?

He wasn't.

Could he make him forget? Could he make everything go back to the way things were?

He wanted to go back to the way things were before he bought Brendon's toothbrush, before he realized Brendon's feelings for him, and before he admitted to himself his own feelings.

Of course it wasn't that easy.

"Nothing is ever easy with you Ryan."

"Must you sneak up on a person like that?"

Spencer rolled his eyes. "You could make things easier for yourself if you learned to let up a little, you know?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. And any sorry excuse you come up with to explain yourself or on how you can't let things happen is bullshit."

Ryan opened his mouth to retort, but nothing came out. He was speechless for once.

"Now that I know that you aren't dead or something worse, call Brendon."

Ryan didn't even get a chance to open his mouth before Spencer walked back out of the bus.

===

Ryan plopped himself into the bus' couch and pulled out his cell phone. He went through the missed calls list, it read: _Jon, Brendon, Brendon, Spencer, Brendon, Brendon..._ Ryan scrolled down, he really didn't want to call Brendon. What was he going to say?

Spencer poked his head back in. "Hey man, when I said to call Brendon, I meant to call him _now_."

"Where is he?"

Spencer just gave him a look that said, just do it, and then he disappeared again.

Ryan felt a tightening in his chest. He wasn't worried that Brendon was in any kind of trouble, surely Spencer would have said something if that were the case. But still, Ryan couldn't help but feel that something was wrong. Ryan looked at his phone, Brendon's name was already selected. He took a breath and clicked the green call button.

===

"Ryan? Hey Ryan!"

"Brendon, where are you?"

"You're missing out man... my ass is for sale and it's like worth hundreds and more, apparently!!"

Ryan had to pull the phone away from his ear from not just Brendon's voice, but from the noise in the background. "Brendon, tell me where you are at. I'm coming to get you."

"Why the hell would you do that?"

Muffled noises were heard on the other line.

"Brendon, Brendon!?"

"Hey man, you better get your ass here." the voice was Jon's.

"Where are you?"

===

The club was dark, dirty and reeked of sex, just the kind of place Brendon would run to to make a scene. Ryan found the place easily enough and it was even easier to spot Brendon among the hundreds that were jammed in the place.

Brendon was shirtless as he paraded around on the stage. Jon was off to the side biting his lips, while Zack shook his head and glared at anyone who happened to approach the stage.

Ryan strode over without hesitation. "Zack, what the hell... Are you just letting Brendon do this?"

"Hey man, I'm looking out for him, but there is nothing I can do to stop stupidity. And while we're on the subject of stupid, where the hell did you go?"

Ryan didn't answer as he jumped on the stage. He didn't hear the heightened cheers and the catcalls of the crowd.

Brendon turned around. "Ryan! I knew it had to be you to get that sort of attention from the crowd."

"Brendon, what the fuck are you doing?"

"Watch this." Brendon turned to the screaming crowd. "Who wants a piece of--"

Not needing to hear just what Brendon was going to offer, he took hold of him and pulled him off stage. "We're getting out of here."

"Hey--Hey!! You can't--"

"Watch me" Ryan paused for a moment as he met Brendon's gaze, and glared. Ryan challenged him to interject. Surprisingly, Brendon didn't put up a fight.

"Fine, but just so you know, I could of made like... thousands of dollars."

"Like any of these people here could afford you," Ryan muttered under his breath.

===

Ryan pushed the younger man into a park bench, similar to the one he sat in hours earlier. "You're pissed."

"No, no I'm not. I'm moving on!"

"No, I meant you're fucking drunk, Bren."

"Yeah, that too!"

"What the hell were you trying to do back there?"

"I was doing what you do at every concert, letting people know that I'm the only available band member and that I'm looking to hook up."

"That's for show, Brendon. And you started it. What you were doing back there was for real. Those people were ready to jump you."

"I'm confused, Ryan. I used to be able to tell the difference between an act onstage and the real deal offstage, but then you decided to fuck with me after the show."

"I didn't--I didn't mean to. That was a mistake Brendon. All I did was tell you that we had a good show."

"I may be drunk out of my mind, but I know for a fact that's not all it was. You looked at me, you saw me, Ryan, and... and you had this look all over your face. Something was there Ry. And then, and then you took it all away from me as if it was nothing, as if it didn't mean anything. You say it was a mistake, that's bullshit!! Mistakes don't look like that, Ryan." Brendon was standing up now. They were facing each other, inches apart with nothing between them, Brendon lowered his voice and there was a distinct shift in the atmosphere. "A mistake looks like a shirtless fool, selling himself on a two-cent stage."

"You're not drunk."

"No, I'm not." Brendon replied.

"You're pissed."

"Yes, I am."

"I'm sorry, Brendon. I didn't mean it." Ryan turned around, sighing as he looked to the sky. "After the show I just felt so... so much, you know? And you... you were amazing tonight. Not just you're singing, or maybe it was. I don't know why, but it was like I was hearing you sing for the first time. It was... It was beautiful."

"What were you thinking when you stopped me?"

"I was thinking that I had to let you know." Ryan met Brendon's gaze again.

"That's all?"

"Yes--No--I mean, Bren, it's complicated."

"Where's your girlfriend?"

"I broke up with her."

"I don't think it has to be complicated."

"It's not easy like that," Ryan said as he sat on the bench and buried his head in his hands.

"Wasn't it?"

"That's not the point." He ran his hands through his hair as he looked up at the younger man. "I can't be with you, Bren."

"Why the hell not? Don't tell me that you've grown a penchant for what other people think."

"No, it's what _I_ think."

"I don't believe you."

"Look, I can't... I can't let you be with me. I could break you Bren."

"I'm not a fucking toy--"

"No, you're not, and that's exactly why I can't be with you." Ryan stood up again. "You can't let me in, I'm not someone you need in your life, or at least in that way."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Shit, Brendon, I don't know what the hell I'm saying. All I know is is that this is how I feel. If we get together, I could hurt you and I can't let that happen. I'm like... I'm like messed up, don't you see, Bren? I can't mess you up too. If I do, I don't know what the fuck I'd do."

"You are messed up, Ryan, and it's not in the way you're thinking."

END part 3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [part 4] Brendon walks away. Ryan loses his shirt. Jon and Spencer make some noise.  
> [But who cares? That is not what this story is about.]

===

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know, away," Brendon replied as he shook free from Ryan's grasp.

"Why?"

"I don't know, maybe to give you some time to figure it out. Call me when you wake up inside."

"Brendon!"

Brendon didn't turn around. He wasn't exactly sure what he was doing, was he really walking away from Ryan? From _his_ Ryan? What would it take for him to turn back? Brendon wasn't sure about that either. All he knew was that he needed for Ryan to understand.

===

It took two hours and forty-seven minutes for Ryan to call him. It was a good thing too, if it took three hours, Brendon thought, he would have gotten frustrated enough to say to hell with it and just forget Ryan. Seriously.

And just to show Ryan that he wasn't just waiting around the corner and watching him, he waited till his ring-tone of "We Are The Champions" got to its third line before he answered.

"Bren? Are you there?"

"Yeah."

"Could you... uhm.. come back?"

"Will it be worth it?"

"Yeah, yeah, I think it will be worth the ten seconds it would take for you to walk back here."

 _Damn it_. "You fucking smart-ass. I'm go--"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay? Just-- Please just come here, will you?"

===

There was a moment of silence between the two as they both measured each other up. And when Ryan started laughing, Brendon narrowed his eyes. "What's so funny. I was being serious."

"I know, and that's what's funny."

Brendon threw his hands in the air and made a frustrated sound as he turned around, hopefully in the direction towards the bus. "You have got to be kidding me!" He shouted in the air. "Maybe, maybe you were right. You're messed up and--"

Before he was finished, he was cut off. Ryan was in front of him, all signs of laughter had faded from his face. "I wasn't laughing at you for being serious. I was laughing because you had made sense."

"Oh fuck, I made sense? Unbelievable!" Brendon said sarcastically, and pushed forward.

"No, Bren, that's not what I meant. Geez, who's making things difficult now? Look, I figured it out, what you said earlier about me. It made sense, and I think I want what you want--I _want_ what you want. It was just weird for me to have realized that you got me-- understood me like that, you know?"

Brendon turned around. And smiled. "Did I get you?"

"I think you always got me," Ryan said with his own smile. "Now, fucking come back here before I change my mind."

Brendon wasted no time as he walked back to meet Ryan. He looked into the other man's eyes and saw it, that thing he was looking for, that something he couldn't really describe, but wanted it anyway. He cupped Ryan's cheek then, and he felt his fingers tremble. He's done this before, several times, in fact, but it was never like this. It was never _real_ like this.

Maybe for Brendon it was always real on stage, his way of showing Ryan what it could be like. In any case, it was happening and Ryan was letting it happen. Brendon pulled him in and they met for the first time for their first real kiss. It was nothing but a touch of lips. But Brendon could sing about this.

Ryan pulled away, he turned his head. His hands were at Brendon's waist. "You're um... you still don't have your shirt."

"Hmm." Brendon looked down at himself and his eyes zeroed in on Ryan's hand, just at his hip bone, he was almost rubbing small circles there, Brendon grinned. "Funny, I feel kinda warm." A second later, his eyes widened as he realized what had happened to the shirt. "So uhh, no need to worry." Brendon started to walk backwards, Ryan stepped forward, following him.

"Wait, you were wearing my shirt, weren't you?" Ryan narrowed his eyes as Brendon started to quicken his pace.

"If it's any consolation, it was an ugly shirt." Brendon turned around then and started to run.

Ryan shook his head as he followed. "Hey, Pete gave me that shirt!"

"My point exactly!" Brendon laughed. He had reached the bus but wasn't able to enter. The door was locked. Since when did they start locking the door?

Ryan had caught up to him and pulled him around. "You can't get away from me that easy."

"Fuck, I hope not." Brendon grinned.

He wasn't sure who initiated the kiss, but he didn't care as Ryan was pressed against him, pushing him into the wall of the bus. His hands were everywhere, searing his skin. His own hands gripped Ryan's hips and as the older boy moaned, Brendon smiled, thinking that maybe he had left a mark with his grip.

He started kissing Ryan's jaw, down to his neck, tasting him and he tasted much more perfect than he had imagined. He felt Ryan's hand in his hair now, bringing him back to his lips, and when he had caught them he sucked at his bottom lip. It felt incredible. Brendon let out his own moan as he switched their positions. He had Ryan against the wall, his eyes met his own as he started undoing the buttons to his shirt.

"Wait."

"Wha? No!" Brendon exclaimed as if he was a two year old, who just got their candy taken away from him.

"Shhhh!" Ryan put his finger to his kiss swollen mouth. Brendon thought it was incredibly sexy until he remembered that he had taken his candy away. "Come on." Ryan took his hand and he followed, at least he was getting some kind of body contact. Ryan pointed up and Brendon followed his gaze to the window.

"Wha--"

Ryan put a hand to his mouth, preventing him from talking. He leaned in and whispered into his ear, "Listen."

And that's when he heard it, noises coming from the bus, and not just any kind of noise, but sex noises. Brendon strained his ears. Was that Spencer and Jon? As the thought came across his mind, his eyes fell upon Ryan. He was still looking up at the window, his mouth was open to a smile and his honey colored eyes twinkled on a starless night.

Brendon ran his hand up his arm just to touch him because he could do that now, he could do that anytime he wanted. He didn't even need to stop because they were more than friends now, and in Brendon's mind that meant no limits. He smiled as Ryan looked at him and tilted his head. And their lips met again. Brendon's last coherent thought was that he had the world now and nobody could take it away from him.

The END.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too fluffy?
> 
> Right, so, I thought this was going to end way more steamier(sp?) than what was written. Actually, the fic really changed from when I first started. I guess it really depends on my mood when I write. ~~haha, what a secret.~~ I didn't think it would end happy... i know, right? Anyway, I guess this is it, and I am strangly happy the way it ended. I hope some of you guys enjoyed it as well.
> 
> Maybe I'll write a companion fic, since the POV switches leave a lot of open plot... But whatever.


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